Life has been crazy. I'm in grad school now and also working and teaching. It's been fun, but also very difficult. This week is Thanksgiving Break, however, so I'm using the time to catch up on schoolwork and also get some writing done. Which is why you're getting this blog post finally!
I've had a few ideas of what to write about over the past 8 months, but can I be honest? This blog has kind of turned into me sharing gospel lessons that I learn or that are on my mind. And for the past little while, my heart hasn't been in the gospel. I think part of it was me getting busy, but another part was me wanting to give up. So, I've been slowly running away from God for a while and am now slowly trying to get my heart back in the right place.
That might be surprising for a lot of people reading this to hear. But, I think about giving up A LOT--giving up the gospel, giving up at school, giving up at work, sometimes even giving up living altogether. Because sometimes life and how hard and unfair and daunting and unpredictable it just gets me feeling hopeless and discouraged. So I just want to run away. Burn all my bridges. Start over. Or just stop completely.
A lot of times, giving up seems like a very efficient solution to all my problems.
But, even though I've been running from God, He still hasn't given up on me. And so, despite wanting to give up and go live under a rock where I can never fail or feel ever again, I keep trying because God gives me encouragement (and sometimes chastisement) when I feel like quitting.
A few weeks ago I was feeling particularly low. It was a Sunday and I was in sacrament meeting thinking about all the things I needed to get done that week, all the things I wished I could do instead, and just generally feeling sorry for myself. So, I pulled out my phone, opened up the Gospel Library app, and searched "giving up." I was hoping to find something to encourage me not to abandon all my responsibilities. Instead, what I found surprised me.
There were a few results that referenced giving up the way I was looking for:
"Never give up--however deep the wounds of your soul, whatever their source, wherever or whenever they happen, and however short or long they persist. . . "--Neil L. Andersen
"If you are tempted to give up: Stay yet a little longer. There is room for you here."--Dieter F. Uchtdorf
But, the overwhelming majority of the search results were about a different kind of giving up.
". . . Yea, what shall I do that I may be born of God, having this wicked spirit rooted out of my breast, and receive his Spirit, that I may be filled with joy, that I May not be cast off at the last day? Behold, said he, I will give up all that I possess, yea, I will forsake my kingdom, that I may receive this great joy."--Alma 22:15
"Conversion includes a conscious decision to give up one’s former ways and change to become a disciple of Christ."--Conversion
“… After his mortal ministry, Christ elevated the law of sacrifice to a new level. … Instead of the Lord requiring a person’s animal or grain, now the Lord wants us to give up all that is ungodly. This is a higher practice of the law of sacrifice; it reaches into the inner soul of a person.”--Old Testament Gospel Doctrine Teacher's Manual
"We all have to give up something in order to accept the gospel of Jesus Christ--whether that be bad habits, incorrect beliefs, unwholesome associations, or something else."--Come, Follow Me
I realized that the Lord has a different idea/definition of giving up that's prevalent in the scriptures and throughout the gospel. God wants us to give up. He wants us to give up those things that separate us from Him and keep us from becoming like Him. He wants us to give up the natural man and let Him make us something holy.
He wants us to give up our struggles, sorrows, grief, and burdens to Him. Because He knows this is the only way we can be healed and sanctified.
God and Satan both want us to give up, but they want it in very different ways. Satan's giving up is steeped in discouragement, doubt, and fear. God's giving up is centered on faith in Jesus Christ, hope through the Atonement, and love. But, as in all things, we get to choose who we'll follow and believe when it comes to giving up.
I don't think I'm the only person who has given into and still struggles with Satan's way of giving up. But, ever since I realized and recognized that there are two ways to think about giving up--Satan's or God's--I've been able to confront the desire I have to give up in a new way. Whenever I feel myself being tempted to give up out of fear or stress or worry, I now think that maybe I'd be happier if I gave God's way of giving up a try.
That's partly why I'm writing this blog post. This is my attempt at starting to change and return to God. To give up in God's way.
It's my hope that this post can help others who may want to give up in the wrong way. Try giving your hurt, pain, anger, sins, fear, doubt--whatever is making you want to run away--to God. That's what I want to start doing. I think I'll be happier and find more peace and joy that way. If those are things you feel like you need more of in your life too, give it a try with me.
Thanks for reading! I'm trying to get back into writing for fun again, so more blog posts may be coming. We'll see.
Have a great week and a Happy Thanksgiving!
