Another Year Already?

Hi all! I have trouble believing that one year has really gone by. The time really does seem to fly by!

Well, sometimes time seems to fly by. Like over Winter break. Those three weeks flew! This week . . . not so much. If all of the coming weeks are as long as this one has felt I'm in big trouble. Hopefully as I settle into a routine with school and work the time will start to fly again. :)

But overall I'm doing well. I think there are some changes coming in my life. I'm still preparing for a mission. It's amazing how just preparing for and striving towards that goal is influencing my life. I feel inadequate, but excited and happy for the chance I'll have to serve. But yeah, lots of changes on their way.

As far as my resolutions for the new year, here's the list:

1) Wake up the first time my alarm rings.

2) Quickly act on all promptings.

3) Stay caught up in school (readings, homework, etc).

4) Study "Preach My Gospel" and the scriptures daily.

5) Sunday--Day of Rest (a.k.a. no homework).

I think it's a good list with some good, worthy goals. Now it's just sticking to the goals I've set for myself. It's already been a week since the new year started and I've had trouble with #1. But I've also made progress at prioritizing how I spend my time and being productive during the time I've been given.

So, overall, my life is going so great. I feel so blessed! I have a great family, amazing friends, and the gospel! What else can a girl ask for? :)

Three Weeks of Freedom!

Hi all! I hope everything has been going well. Things in my life have been a bit crazy, sad, and awesome all at the same time.

Lately I've been reminded of how many blessings I have in my life. I have an amazing family, great friends, and a freaking awesome ward. I get to have lots of laughs everyday with people I care about. The world is beautiful (even though there's no snow and we're almost halfway through December *cough*).

Fall semester ended last week and I am so happy and relieved to be done! Things started getting really dicey near the end, but I'm happy to report that I'm fairly positive I've passed all my classes (and not just C passed, but like B at least passed), which is great! So now I have three weeks of freedom to do whatever I want. Like stay up late feeding my k-pop obsession and reading all the books in my "To Read" pile.

I also plan on doing a lot of writing during these three weeks. Something I really appreciate about school is that it always gives me new ideas for stories. That's why I still take courses that aren't related to my field of study, but that I think will generate good ideas or give me good insight for future stories. So I'm hoping to totally take advantage of all these ideas from Fall semester during the Winter break.

Another thing I'm doing during these three weeks is a sort of sleeping experiment. I want to figure out how many hours I generally need to sleep every night. Sometimes I feel like it's 10, other times 7 hours a night. So I'm hoping to pin it down so I can come up with a good game plan for waking up for Spring semester.

So, not a whole lot going on, which is just how I like it. I plan on completely enjoying and living these three weeks to their max! I hope you'll all do the same! :)

P.S. I also hope you'll all enjoy this video by Eclipse Singers. I've been a fan of Eclipse for a long time (like Jr. High long time) and I'm in love with their Christmas CD. Check it out!

There's a Place for Us

Hi all! Not much has been going on the past month since I last posted. I've just been pretty busy with school and work and life in general. School is starting to wind down--there's only 3 weeks left--so I have a lot of final projects and stuff due.

I feel like this week was a turning point in my life. I can't really explain why. It's not like something huge and monumental and life changing happened. But I feel like I came to a crossroads and was faced with two paths--one that would keep me close to the Lord and one that would start a downhill spiral into self destructive behavior and darkness. And I feel confident in saying that I chose the Lord, thanks to his tender mercies towards me.

This past Sunday the speakers said exactly what I needed to hear as I was facing this decision. It was like that meeting was just for me. I could feel the love of my Savior encircling me. All the self-loathing thoughts that had been poisoning me were pushed out and instead I was able to see myself how the Lord sees me. He whispered of my worth and his love for me. I realized that Heavenly Father heard my prayers and knew how I was feeling and he knew the exact way to speak to me.

In my life, every turning point has been marked by a song. This is one way the Lord speaks to me and gives me comfort. My junior year it was Jon Scmidt's version of "Baptism Hymn." Then it was "In Dreams" from Lord of the Rings by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. And after that it was "Ever, Ever After" by Carrie Underwood, followed by "Go the Distance" by Michael Bolton. Now, the song that's marked this turning point is another by Carrie Underwood called "There's a Place for Us."

After sacrament meeting Sunday I left because I was feeling sick. So I curled up on the couch downstairs and watched the Chronicles of Narnia the 1st and 3rd movies. Those movies are so inspirational and I felt like the Spirit was there to edify me and teach me as I watched them. Then at the end of the 3rd movie, "There's a Place for Us" came on and just capped off everything I'd been feeling perfectly.

The lyrics go:

There's a place out there for us,
More than just a prayer,
Or anything you've ever dreamed of.
So when you feel like giving up
Cause you don't fit in down here
Fear is crashing in,
Close your eyes and take my hand.

We can be the Kings and Queens
Of anything if we believe.
It's written in the stars that shine above.
A world where you and I belong,
Where faith and love will keep us strong.
Exactly who we are is just enough.
There's a place for us.

When the water meets the sky,
Where your heart is free
And hope comes back to life.
When these broken hands are whole again,
We'll find what we've been waiting for.
We were made for so much more.

I LOVE these lyrics, because they're so true. There is a place out there for us--for me. A place where I fit perfectly. A place that isn't just a dream or a wish or a fantasy. It's where my Heavenly Father is and where my Savior is. It's where my family is and my friends. And this past week I did feel like giving up, but the Lord took my hand and I was able reminded me that he loves me for who I am. That I am a beloved daughter of God with infinite potential. It's so important for me to remember this and be reminded of it often.

Satan would have us forget who we really are. He'd rather us focus on the here and now instead of the eternal. He wants us to be frustrated and doubt ourselves, because then we inevitably begin to doubt God and the power of our Savior. But we should never forget who we are and what our purpose on this earth is. I've been given talents and capabilities to help those around me. I feel like I'm just beginning to really understand the affect I can have on others and how I can best utilize my talents. It's an amazing feeling. :)

I feel so much hope and joy knowing that my Savior loves me. Thanks to his sacrifice and his selfless love, there is no limit to the good things I can do. There are so many amazing blessings available in my life because of Jesus Christ. I have the opportunity every day to repent and change to become better than I am. And I'm grateful for my family and my friends, but most of all for my Savior for keeping me strong with love and faith. This was just an experience that made me feel so loved and remembered by the Lord, which is exactly what I needed.

So, friends, enjoy the song that has marked this turning point in my life and have a fantabulous week. :)

New Beginnings

New beginnings of the old
Are founded in goodbyes.
Changing, and yet still the same
Since true love never dies.

Like the seasons, life's in flux
As old comes to an end.
But on the chords and ties of truth
And bonds of love I can depend.

So though the future is unsure,
The world around me changing,
With my Savior I'll stand strong
And face with faith these new beginnings.

Love Stops Time

This is a totally spontaneous blog post. I should really go to bed. But I just had to share this thought because it's so completely wonderful. Love stops time.

I've been re-reading one of my favorite books the past couple of days, The Girl Who Could Fly by Victoria Forester.




Midterms are next week and surprisingly enough I had no readings due for my classes tomorrow, so I read this again. This is hands-down one of my favorite books. Might even be my favorite.

A lot of times I feel exactly like Piper McCloud. The first time I read this book I was going through a weird situation in my life and I identified with Piper. I felt like outside forces were constantly conspiring to keep me down. I felt like I could fly, like I had this potential for greatness, that wasn't understood or accepted by others. Honestly, I still feel that way a lot. And just like Piper I felt for a long time that I couldn't trust myself or my own heart. These are feelings I still struggle with, almost on a daily basis.

So during this reading all those thoughts and feelings started coming back, along with some new ones since my life has changed a lot since the first time I read this book. Lately I've been trying to find my passion and thinking a lot about my dreams and aspirations. Lots of the time I don't feel like I'm really good for much--I'm not as talented as so-and-so, I'm not as pretty as so-and-so, I don't do ______ as well as so-and-so. I feel like there's nothing that makes me special or unique. And in the past things that I thought were talents, things that I thought were real and true and right, ended up falling through. And so, eventually I ended up feeling like Piper. "If [I] couldn't trust other people and [I] couldn't trust my own heart, then there was nothing left to believe in and trust."

That's when I started to give up on myself and my dreams. Clearly my dreams were stupid, or irrational, or all of a million other negative things. I felt pretty cynical and stupid. I've always been self conscious. Ever since I was young. I remember one day sitting at my friends house when I was in elementary school, probably second or third grade. My friend was outside playing with some other kids and I had action figures and was playing with them at my friends kitchen table. I remember feeling really worried that someone would walk in and see me playing. And when her mom walked in to do the dishes I stopped playing. I didn't want her to think I was stupid for playing, for having an imagination.

So, this is something I've struggled with for a long time. That's why I'm always so quiet around new people. I don't want people to think I'm stupid. Better to be thought mysterious than stupid and get made fun of. Better to let people think I'm weak and take pity on me. Cause when people pity you they're nice to you. They might not be your friends, but they're nice. I guess I must just have this really convoluted way of thinking, and I've just barely started to unravel myself to myself and make progress on fixing these flaws in my thinking.

For a long time I was ashamed to tell people about my dreams. That I want to be an author. I want to write. I've always felt like people look down on authors and writers, or really any sort of artist. Maybe this is true, or maybe it's not, but I feel like most of the general population doesn't approve of artists until they become validated. People think someone who doesn't hold a steady job but spends most of their time writing books or poetry, or painting, or making music is a slacker and a dead weight to society. That is, until they write a New York Times Bestseller or sell their work to a fancy gallery, or become the next big thing in the music world. People, I think, generally feel art is unimportant and a waste of time unless the world recognizes and appreciates it. That's why I think (and I can't speak for everyone) as an artist I feel so insecure about myself. If I don't do something great than I'm a nothing; If other people don't approve, I'm just wasting my time and being unproductive.

But that's a totally false way of thinking. I was reading Ralph Waldo Emerson's The Poet and came across this line. "Words are also actions, and actions are a kind of words." And I realized that while other people's way of changing the world might be opening a business or doing construction or working in an office or teaching, my way is words, writing. Writing is my way of acting. When I want to tell someone I love them, or do something special for them, I write. I write them a letter or a story or a poem. My mom kept a letter I wrote her when I was little. At the time I wanted a mini fridge in my room. In that letter I detailed why she should buy me a fridge, the benefits it would give, etc. Basically it was a persuasive essay letter. I can't even count how many notes and cards I've written to my family. It's proof that writing has always been how I've acted. And if other people don't appreciate it, who cares?

And then tonight, I had an epiphany--a thought so beautiful that it moved me to tears and made me want to write this blog post (which I realize is getting pretty long, thanks for bearing with me). As I got to the final pages of The Girl Who Could Fly I looked up at the clock and realized that two hours had gone by in what felt like two minutes. That's when the thought came: "Reading and writing bring me to a place where time can't seem to touch me. I think that's what love does--it stops time." And that's when I started crying. I started remembering when I was writing my first book and how I would come home from school, sit at the computer, and write for hours and hours on end. The feeling of total peace and joy that made time stop. It's a feeling that I love more than anything. It's the feeling of knowing I'm where I belong, doing what I was born to do. Piper feels that way about flying. I feel that way about reading and writing.

Then I got to thinking about my Savior, Jesus Christ. He died so I might live. His love literally stops time. Time doesn't matter when you have the Savior on your side. With Jesus Christ eternity is mine. And best of all it's an eternity filled with incomprehendible love, joy, and happiness where I'll be surrounded by my loved ones. Time can't touch those relationships. As the hymn Be Still My Soul puts it, "Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored."

I have a talent and a passion for writing. Rather than stifling myself with thoughts of worry about what others think, I'm going to write. People can think it's weird and abnormal and a waste of time or any of a million other negative things. But I don't care. I know the truth.

Never, for a second, doubt yourself or what you're capable of. We each have divine talents and gifts given to us to bless others and ourselves. Your gifts aren't the same as mine and mine aren't the same as yours. But that's the beauty of it. You have something wonderful and special that can bless someone else. It's something only you can do. I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am for Victoria Forester for writing The Girl Who Could Fly. Because of her gift and talent for writing and telling her particular story, I've been so blessed. Every time I read it I feel like there's nothing I can't do. And that's another wonderful thing about finding and believing in your talents. When you do so, you unconsiously give others permission to do the same. They draw strength from your example.

Thanks for reading this. It's kind of personal and kind of long and kind of random. But I truly believe it. Love stops time. Find what you love and never let it go. I'll just leave you with a couple thoughts for you to chew on. Thanks again for reading.

"Doubt not, O poet, but persist. Say, 'It is in me, and shall out.' Stand there, baulked and dumb, stuttering and stammering, hissed and hooted, stand and strive, until, at last, rage draw out of thee that dream-power which every night shows thee is thine own; a power transcending all limit and privacy, and by virtue of which a man is the conductor of the whole river of electricity."--R.W. Emerson, The Poet

"If you don't choose the road you're gonna walk, sooner or later someone else'll do that choosing for you."-- The Girl Who Could Fly

"In self-trust all of the virtues are comprehended."-- R.W. Emerson, The American Scholar

"Little is to be expected of that day, if it can be called a day, to which we are not awakened by our Genius, but by the mechanical nudgings of some servitor, are not awakened by our own newly-acquired force and aspirations from within...to a higher life than we fell asleep from."--Henry David Thoreau, Walden

I'm going to choose my own road, no matter what others may think. I'm going to trust myself and seek every day to live by my Genius and the power within me. I hope you'll all do the same. :)

Hidden Gems

I really like my songwriting class. I REALLY like it. I'm being pushed out of my comfort zone and finding that I can do well. This realization makes me even more excited about my future. It opens up opportunities and broadens my horizons. I like that. Next week we have to perform a song for the class and I'm kind of excited. I've never performed in front of people, like a solo, but I've always really kind of wanted to. I'm really thankful for my musical talent, especially for the piano. That talent really lends itself well to lyric writing and vice-versa. For that class we also have free access to the campus music lab (as in they help us professionally record our songs for free)! So maybe after I record some songs I'll put them on here for you to see. :)

Actually, this semester I'm REALLY liking all my classes. British Literature . . . I honestly thought I'd hate it, but I don't. I thought I'd hate all the poetry, but I don't. I love it! I've been introduced to some cool new forms of writing, rhyme, and story-telling. It's awesome!

Then there's my History class. It's just a basic class, 1500, and I just took it so I could be a full-time student. And even though I'm probably not going to come out with an amazing grade (since I have trouble remembering all the facts) I'm coming out with cool ideas. Like we were learning about the Indus Valley and the Harappan people. Did you know that no one's been able to crack the Harappan language? So how could would a story be where someone cracks the code and finds out all these amazing secrets or something? And then did you know that the code of Hamurabi was written on a giant pillar? I thought that would be cool to incorporate into a society for a story. All the laws written on great pillars that uphold the justice building? Cool, right? So history is a great resource.

I'm also taking American Literature. The professor who teaches it is one of my favorite at WSU. He's the one who I had my Notebook and Journal writing class with last semester. Most of the writers we're studying have (so far) focused on religion and I've really liked reading about their beliefs. They're so humble and in tune with the love of God. Their faith is amazing and makes me want to be a better person. For this class we have a 2 volume anthology we study from and mine is marked and marked and marked. There are so many great thoughts, quotes, stories, etc. inside those pages. I love it!

So, things for me are pretty good. I'm still struggling to become the kind of person I want to be, but that struggle is a good thing. I feel the Lord helping me with my worthy goals. I'm learning what real education is and starting to find the balance in life to achieve it. I'm learning to value my thoughts, to love myself, which in turn helps me love others and their thoughts.

Something I wrote in my American Lit. class captures this nicely, I think:

The main impression I get from Emerson is that we must learn to value ourselves. Value our thoughts, our ideas, our dreams, our goals, our passions, etc. And the way we learn to value ourselves is finding true value to those things around us. By connecting, forming our own unique and personal relationship with nature and the world around us, we come to value ourselves as both part of the world--a sense of belonging and awe--and as a unique being--a sense of largeness and potential.

So yeah, life is good. I'm learning, growing, and really happy! There are hidden gems all around us, just waiting for us to see them!

Have a good weekend everybody! :)

Growing Up

Hi everybody! It's been a while since I blogged, so I figured I'd update for those of you who actually read this. :)

Lately I've become even more aware of how many flaws I have. Generally I try not to focus on my flaws, because I get really sad and discouraged when I think about how much I need to change. That's what brought about my 12 month plan last year. I'm only human, but these past few months I've just been in this funk. Things in my life haven't exactly gone the way I thought they would. Not that it's bad, but it's hard when you have had all your hopes and dreams set on something that doesn't happen and maybe never will.

Before writing this post I went back and read some of my posts through the last year. I just feel like I'm not the same person I was back then, but maybe in a bad way. I don't feel as faithful and happy as I was back then.

But there comes a time when, despite all the disappointment and confusion (maybe even bitterness) that you just have to move on. I can't live in the past, nor would I choose to. I wouldn't change my experiences I've had, but I'd change how I reacted to them. I could have been more faithful and trusting rather than letting myself slip down a few rungs on my spiritual ladder. I want to not only get back to the level of happiness and spirituality I was at before--I want to exceed it.

The frustrating thing for me is that I was in such a good place. I was happier than I'd ever been. I was so sure of my future and so firm in my faith. And now instead of just being there again, I have to climb back up and the pace feels so agonizingly slow. Why can't I just be back where I was?

But the important thing isn't how fast I'm climbing, but the fact that I'm trying. I'm climbing and making progess, however slow. Some days are better than others. But through it all I have the Savior by my side. I know He's felt my frustration and knows exactly what I'm going through. But not only does e know exactly what I'm going through (because He's been there), He knows exactly how to help me get through it.

I know that much of my unhappiness comes from my flaws, my own choices. When I choose to have that second (third, fourth) helping and then end up crying later that night because of regret. When I spend more money on the internet than I do paying for books for school. When I choose to stay awake until four in the morning and end up feeling so guilty because of my weaknesses and lack of control over myself.

It's time for me to grow up and stop living in the past. I've been working on getting my bad habits under control, but I still have a long way to go before I'll be back to where I was before. I have goals, it's just following through with them and having self discipline that I need to work on. It's having the courage and praying for the strength to face my daily demons. It's having faith in my Savior and learning to trust again.

I have a long way to go, but I know that with the help of my Savior I can do the things necessary to change. I can change and become better. I can do hard things. I can find happiness. I deserve happiness. The Savior will walk with me through the valleys and help me climb the peaks.

That's really what has been on my mind lately. I want to become better and reach my potential through self-mastery. Here's a nice talk by James E. Faust I found on the subject. Have a great week everybody! Fighting! :)

P.S. This post sounds kind of doom-and-gloom, doesn't it? Though I've been having a hard time lately, I've also been happy. I entered a contest online where I sang a cover of a Korean song. Hopefully I'll win something, but if I don't it was fun anyway. I've been writing a lot and reading and hanging out with my friends and family. I've been legitimately learning Korean (어떻게 지내십니까? 제 이름은 에린입니다. 샌드위치 싶은데요. I really did just type all that.) Life really has been good! :)

P.P.S. I'm all signed up for classes for fall semester and am super excited! I'm taking 3 English classes and a History class plus a couple Institute classes. I'm taking a songwriting class . . . So excited! It should be good. :)

The Dream

Remember how I haven't blogged in a REALLY long time. . . . Yeah, sorry about that. I've just been making some life decisions. No biggie.

It feels like I change my mind about my future every other day. And I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. I'm a dreamer. Being a dreamer is kind of like being a ninja, fairy, and princess all wrapped into one. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for your dreams and sometimes to even figure out what those dreams are.

I'll let y'all in on a little secret. For a while I gave up the dream of being an author. While I never formally admitted this to myself, it happened. For about the past year and a half I have hardly written anything. I don't know what happened exactly. But the thought of writing scared me. I just had this feeling that whatever I wrote would turn out awful. I dropped several projects right in the middle and never really wrote anything except for school assignments.

But then last semester I took that notebooks and journal writing class. I started keeping a commonplace book and let myself write without any worries of the consequences. No one could see what I was writing unless I decided to share it. I feel like this class started to turn me around in my writing. Writing became fun again, though I still get anxious and freeze up when I think about others reading my work. I finally gave myself permission to write what I want without thinking or worrying about others.

I really want to write the stories I have inside of myself. And even in no one ever reads them, I want to give it my best. But it's going to take a lot of work. I've realized that now, more than I have previously. Right now I'm working on The Elements series again. The whole thing needs revamping, but I have ideas that will make the story even better than it was before. And I have ideas for my other stories I started as well that I'm excited about.

So, let the work begin. And I know that in the end all the revision, editing, plotting, etc. might be for nothing in the eyes of those around me. But that's okay. Because this is MY dream and I don't need anyones permission to pursue it.

Update Time!

So it's been a long time since I blogged. Sorry about that, though I'm sure no one's missed it. ;)

There's been a lot of changes in my life lately, a lot of endings and beginnings. I got my associates in April from Weber State in general studies and have finally decided on a course of action for the next few years of my life! About time, right?

So, ladies and gentlemen, I proudly introduce "The Plan!":

1-Declare myself an English Education Major.
2-Focus the next year to year and a half of my life on writing.
3-Go to school and take all the fun classes I want to as an English Education major then change my mind after my mission if I want.
4-Go on a mission when I feel the time is right.

Tada! It's kind of a short plan, I know, but it encompasses the next few years of my life very nicely. Should I explain all the steps?

1-Declare myself an English Education Major:

As I was going over the English Education list of requirements (to get into the program and fulfill the degree in general) I realized that the only reason I'd want to declare myself an English Education major is to take some of the insanely fun classes they offer! Like the young adult literature class, among others. Also, declaring and getting into the program are two different things. I think getting into the program (if I decide to apply at all since I very well may change my mind) should be put off until after my mission. And if that means spending an extra two years or more in school then so be it.

2-Focus the next year to year and a half of my life on writing:

I just went to the LDS Storymakers Conference this past weekend. It was a great experience and I met a lot of great people. But I realized something. I spend all this time saying I want to be an author, wanting to be a writer, but I never follow through. To be honest I've hardly written anythng in the past year. But I feel like I could really be a great writer if I put my mind to it and just dedicated myself to it for a while. There's really nothing else I'm good at in life other than writing and being a minion (and I mean that in the is-very-good-at-following-directions-and-following-through kind of way). The past two years I've been spending my time working towards nothing. As in the words of Alabama "I'm in a hurry to get things done. Oh, I rush and rush until life's no fun. All I really gotta do is live and die, but I'm in a hurry and don't know why." This whole time I've never really had a destination in mind. I've mostly been going to school because it's what was expected of me and I love to learn. But I have no clue what my future holds. Whether I'll be an author or a teacher or a stay-at-home mom, or maybe all three at some point in my life. So, this is why I've decided to dedicate myself. Really give my writing a shot and not be afraid of what others think.

3-Go to school and take all the fun classes I want to as an English Education major then change my mind after my mission if I want:

This relates to #1. I really just want to take the fun English classes before my mission. Honestly, looking at the requirements to become a Creative Writing major I just thought 'These classes don't look as fun as the English Education.' But since I'm really unsure whether I'm actually cut out for teaching (I take after my dad in almost everything), I just want to take the fun classes that interest me from that major. And if I end up loving it and feeling like teaching is what I should do, then geat. But I'm not going to worry about working towards a degree for the next little bit but rather taking the classes I want to and think would benefit me most.

4-Go on a mission when I feel the time is right:

A mission is on my list no matter what. I've known for a while that a mission is what the Lord wants me to do and I plan to follow that counsel seriously. But again, there are a lot of variables surrounding my serving a mission, going to school, writing, etc. and they all tend to interconnect at some point. So I'm not sure when I'll go. If I feel like I need to go as soon as possible, turning in my papers as soon as I can then that's what I'll do. If I feel like I should wait then I'll wait. I know the Lord will let me know what to do and when to do it, so I just plan on being ready to go whenever I'm needed.

So, there's the plan! I'm excited. You all know how easy going I am, and I think this plan encompasses that nicely. There's room for change, but at least I have a structure for the next few years. :)

That's a pretty good representation of all the thoughts and feelings I've had running through my head lately. So, consider yourself officially updated! :)

But, there is one big change that recently occurred in my life that I'm still trying to process. It's a good change, a really good change, but I don't think I want to talk about it on the blog because it's too personal and wonderful for just anybody to be able to read and access. So, if you're curious you can shoot me an e-mail or call me, but I'm not going to talk about it further on the blog. :)

Have a great week all!



P.S. I turned 20 last month. I guess that's a kind of big event I skipped over. But as a friend told me, "At 20 you're perfect. You're a nobody at 20 since nothing big happens to you, and nobody's perfect." I totally butchered that line, but you get the gist of it. So here's a picture with me and my cake (which had my name written in Korean on it, by the way! Like this: 에린. I love Korean! So fun!).

Journals

Hi dear friends. It's been a month since I last blogged . . . Sorry. Haha.

I recently finished a journal. Here's a picture. :)



I got this at my seminary graduation in 2009. I recieved a lot of journals that year, actually. Haha. I guess people thought it was important for me to keep my thoughts. They're right and I'm grateful to have them. :)

For those of you who are counting this puts me at three completed journals since I began journaling at age 8. I really, really love writing in my journal. It helps me sort out my thoughts and keep track of the big and small events in my life. I don't write everyday, but I write enough to feel that I'm chronicling my life.

It was kind of cool because just as I was about to finish this journal we began discussing journals in my Notebooks and Journals class (go figure, haha). My professor brought up the question of if we thought journals should be censored. Should we worry about what we write in a private journal? One of my friends in that class gave an example of how after her grandmother died they found her old journals and read them. There were some hurtful things in there and now it's a big issue in their family. Should they burn the journals? Keep them?

So that got me thinking about my own journals. Some things I've written are very personal. Things I wouldn't necessarily want my family or friends to see. I write about them. I've probably written about each of you who read this blog at one point or another in my journal. Most of the experiences are great. Some aren't.

I don't know about you guys, but I write my journal with my future family in mind. I imagine my kids reading my journal or my husband. Having them passed down in the family as little treasures. I want to put my own experiences down on paper, the good and the bad, because I think to those future generations and how they may experience the same kinds of things I'm going through. And I want to live my life in a way that they can look at my life throug my journals and see what I did well or maybe didn't do so well. This way they can live good lives.

Writing with my future family in mind also keeps me optimistic in my journal, which keeps me optimistic in my life. It helps me realize that I really do love life and the people in it, even if at times we disagree or life gets hard. This is something I want my children and everyone I love to realize. We are all human. Having negative and unhappy thoughts or hard times is just part of the territory. But we don't have to dwell on the negatives in our lives. Sometimes writing down the bad things and the negative thoughts can help you figure out what you truly believe by giving yourself a chance to react to them without judgement.

Anyway, I hope this post hasn't rambled on too much. These are just some thoughts that have been on my mind lately. I'm excited to start a new journal. It feels like a new beginning, a fresh start. So, to end this post I'm going to put my disclaimer that I wrote to go in my latest journal (an exercise suggested in my class). Enjoy! :)

Dear Reader,
My name is Erin. I wrote the following journal when I was 18-19 and it chronicles my life from 2009 to early 2011. Before you read, just know this was a time of great change for me. I began college, changed things that needed changing, and learned a lot in the process. I feel I’ve changed for the better and hopefully that shows in my journal. I speak of many people, many topics, in this journal. I beg you not to be offended. Of, if it can’t be helped, I beg you to forgive me. Please don’t judge my journal too harshly. As you read I invite you to look at your own life, times when you’ve felt frustrated or sad or hurt, or maybe even happy and elated beyond words. We have a lot in common, reader, you and I. Just know that the whole of me, all my thoughts, actions, desires, and experiences are not contained solely within these pages. Please believe of me, as you would of yourself, that I am and have inside myself much more good than bad.
Happy Reading!

Erin Guy

Cool Happenings

Hi all! I'm just going to say it now. I'm tired. Pooped. Sleeeeepy!

There. Now that that's out of the way I can tell you guys some cool stuff that's been happening!

First, I'm getting my Associates of Science from Weber this spring! An official degree! I'm very excited and very happy to be getting this degree. Mind you I still have to finish out this semester and pass all my classes before they'll actually give me my degree, but odds are I'm gonna get it. ;)

However this good news brings me to a bit of a dilemma in my life. I don't know how many of you know this, but I am planning on going on an LDS mission. I can turn my papers in 4 months before I actually turn 21, which so far is my plan. This means that January/February of 2012 I can turn in my papers.

But where does that leave me as far as school is concerned? I'm going to declare myself an English Education major with a minor in either Sociology or Communications.
Here's where the problem comes in. If I'm going to be leaving for a mission in the spring of next year, I probably won't take any classes spring semester. So do I try and get into the teaching program at WSU in the fall only to leave for a year and a half? Or do I postpone even declaring another semester or two and just take classes that will count towards my degree without actually being in the program? Or do I try and finish my degree and then go?

So there's my dilemma. I know everything will work out. I just need to talk to my counselor at WSU and see what she says about it. But I'm super excited to be that much closer to being done with school and to go on a mission! :D

And believe it or not there are some more cool things happening in my life. Today I entered a short story I wrote in WSU's Writing Contest! Now, I haven't won or anything. Today was the last day to submit entries (yes, yes, I am a procrastinator in everything I do) so I won't know for a little while if I win anything. But I'm just so happy about the fact that I did it! That I entered a contest! That I wrote something I think has a real shot of winning. *Knocks on wood*

I do love writing. So, so, so much. But to be honest this last yearish or two of college has kind of sucked the fun out of writing. School does that. It really does just zap the creativity right out of you. There's just so much pressure on writing in college. I feel like anything I write is something that's going to be criticized and scrutinized so even writing in private becomes a chore. Of course it's all about my state of mind. Some words are mine and mine alone and no one will ever read them til I'm dead and gone. Like my journal or even some things I scrawl in notebooks that get lost in my room. Writing in those is a breath of fresh air.

Don't get me wrong, I love writing on my blog! I'm writing this post aren't I? And at 12:54 a.m. no less. And I love it when people comment or tell me they actually read this. Haha. Authors are totally vain and totally insecure at the same time.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling. So those are my cool happenings! Graduation, mission, writing contest. I'm really proud of my short story, so I'm going to feed my vanity for a moment. If any of you want to read my short story just let me know and I'll email it to you. And if no one wants to read it, that's okay too. :)

Have a great weekend!

P.S. Be sure to check out my school blog: www.diamondsforstones.wordpress.com. This week I delved into the joys of couches. ;)

School, school, and more school (Oh, and a New Year!)

Hi all! Happy 2011!!!!

Yeah, I guess I'm kind of late on that, aren't I? Haha. That's okay. Once I tell you about this new semester you'll understand why.

This semester is going to be a crazy one. Crazy, but good. Very good. I love all my classes. I'm taking World Literature, Social Problems, News Writing, and Notebook Writing. My professors are so great, as well as the students I'm surrounded by. But I have to say my favorite class is notebook writing. I love the other students in the class. It's small enough that I can actually talk to people and get in comments! And the class itself just stimulates the mind. It's great!

This semester I arranged my schedule so I'm only on campus three days a week from 9:30 to around 3:00. This makes for long days, but good days that keep me going and thinking and questioning and learning. Those are all good things, right? ;)

But I've been pretty busy the past three weeks. There's a lot of reading required for all of my classes and quite frankly, that's one of the big reasons why I didn't blog til now. That and I've been going into work for a friend of mine. I don't mind it, but it gets a little stressful sometimes. Work is fun, but it is still work. Haha.

Did I mention that for my News Writing class I had to start another blog? Yeah, well, I did. Check it out, if you feel the need: www.diamondsforstones.wordpress.com.

So, now that we have school out of the way (for the time being, at least), would you like to hear my New Year Resolutions? Of course you do! :) I only made three goals for myself this year, and they're all pretty loose and flexible. But don't judge me too harshly. I'm still going strong on my 12 month plan! This month, January, I'm trying to read the Doctrine and Covenants. I'm not sure I'll make it with all my school work, but I'm going to try my best.

First Resolution--Go to Fitness: My work offers free fitness classes two times a week with an athletic trainer. I couldn't go last semester because I had class when the classes were held, but this semester I'm free to go. So my goal is to go to fitness to help me become, well, fit. :)

Second Resolution-- Write Something Every Day: I really want to get back into story telling and writing the books I've had planned out in my head. But with school I'm always struggling to find time, and end up berating myself if I never even open one of my books in Word. So I've decided that rather than a goal of having such-and-such a manuscript finished by such-and-such a date, I'm going to just write something every day. Blogs count. So does journal writing. At first I told myself it couldn't be school related, but with my notebook writing class that's going to be really hard. So I've expanded it. I figure even just one page of writing on a book or outline or plotting out ideas is better than nothing at all. Yay for writing! :)

Third Resolution-- Read the Book of Mormon at least 3 times: I really enjoyed reading the Book of Mormon a few months ago for my 12 month goal. So I want to read it at least 3 times. This gives me four months to read it through once, which I should be able to do, then just do that three times. I'm excited about this goal because the Book of Mormon is such an amazing book.

So, there you have it. Fitness, Writing, and Reading the Book of Mormon. I feel really good about these goals. They're broad enough that I don't feel restricted or like I'll let myself down. They seem attainable and like they'll help me a lot in my life. And then, as I mentioned, I'll still be carrying on my 12 month plan. Let's review it, shall we?

-May/June: Being Healthier
-July: Morning and Evening Prayers
-August: Early to bed, early to rise.
-September: Read the whole Book of Mormon
-October: Being more outgoing
-November: Read the Doctrine and Covenants and the latest general conference issue of the Ensign
-December: Read the whole New Testament
-January: Be more helpful
-February/March: Read the whole Old Testament
-April: Being cleaner

So where do I stand on these goals? I feel I'm doing very well on all of them so far. I've lost weight, established the habit of praying every morning and night, am able to wake up (I'm proud to say I have woken up every day before 9:00 for the past three weeks. Shocking, I know.), read the Book of Mormon, made new friends, and re-read the General Conference talks.

Obviously some things fell through the cracks and I've had to make some adjustments. I couldn't read both the Doctrine and Covenants and the General Conference talks in one month. So now I'm reading the Doctrine and Covenants for January. As for December, that month was all kind of a blur. Haha. I did start the New Testament, but didn't make it very far.

However, this is exactly what the 12 month plan was intended for. It allows for exceptions and doesn't make me feel discouraged if I didn't meet a goal. Come May I can start a new round of goals. I could give myself four months to finish the New Testament. Or six. As circumstances demand or allow I can change my goals. Nothing is set in stone. It's such a relief! :)

So yeah. It's been busy, but fun. Crazy, but enjoyable. I hope you all made some resolutions and have a fabulous (belated) New Year! :)